Friday, 7 November 2014

Crazy moon, you shine like there's nothing wrong...

Well I've made it to Friday it seems, a hollow victory as it was always bound to happen as regular as tick follows tock but a victory none the less. How a million Londoners manage to sit at their desks and not blow their brains out deserves nothing less than a standing round of applause. Nobody has ever dreamed of one day reaching their dream of working in an office 9-5. It is simply a means to an end surely? The end is of course so you can pay your bills off and live quite comfortably in your old age and start enjoying your life when you're pushing 70 (slowly before you finally start pushing up the daises one would imagine). From the vantage point of my back walled desk I can see a hundred other blank faces, those who probably aimed at being everything from fireman to bank robbers and everything in-between but instead decided on the life of a I.T call centre 'cold caller', named possibly from the feeling that runs through your veins after you've made about 20 and you forget what 'happy' even felt like. Yes of course I'm over exaggerating this dear reader but you didn't expect your baldy hero to lead you down the primrose path without circumnavigating a few pointless obstacles on the way did you? Oh you did? Well there's no accounting for taste m'lad as my old history teacher used to say as he mumbled on that "bad egg Adolf" and his own "every increasingly refined golf swing" (the significance between the two being lost on me and the remainder of the class although some still obediently nodded and scratched notes down with an ever faithful 3 coloured pen as if this would be a possible starter for ten).

Lets get to the point of today's Rhubarb, which is the subject of 'Lifestyle', it's something that has interested me wonderfully over the last few years. It first appeared as a seed that sprouted as my wardrobe bloomed from Top Man t-shirts to Charles Tyrwhitt and Samuel Windsor sale based bargains. Now a true gent wouldn't applaud himself for managing to fish out the best of the bunch from the 20% off bin but as a wise man once said "buy cheap, buy twice" if you can get a good quality anything for a knockdown or even out the factory window price tag then get it! Especially shoes my friends. Shoes and Beds. If you're not in one you're in the other so don't scrimp. Style is really everything. Even if you're the kind of chap to glug a few cans of incredibly cheap flat lager before the theme tune to This Morning strikes up, at least do it in a suit or selection of needlepoint Corduroy and choice of brogues and not a pair of tracksuit bottoms and thousand washed Reebok classic permanently loose tied under the tongue, it does make a difference to the postman as he greats you with the latest pizza menu. What would the neighbours think after all? The difference between 'insanity' and 'eccentricity' has always been simply the inclusion of money and style. A skint fool wearing a pair of elasticated jeans and a "i'm with stupid" t-shirt on the bare bones of his arse will always be insane M'lud where as a well heeled gent that has decided to start eating bricks from his scullery will always be thought of kindly as a "bit of a character" by the locals.

For now I will leave my ramblings here as it is near lunchtime and I flatly refuse to do any 'serious work' when i'm not being paid for the pleasure.

For those of you that have even an inkling that you may want to dress well as you're preparing for your latest pub crawl I would say the best books on the subject are the following:

'How to Have a Life-Style'
http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Have-Life-Style-Quentin-Crisp/dp/155583406X


'THE PERFECTLY DRESSED GENTLEMAN'
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Perfectly-Dressed-Gentleman-Robert-OByrne/dp/1907563881/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415362647&sr=1-9&keywords=gentleman


'LOW LIFE'
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Low-Life-Autobiography-Jeffrey-Bernard-ebook/dp/B00KYQ3CAA/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415362684&sr=1-3&keywords=jeffrey+bernard


'DANDY IN THE UNDERWORLD'
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dandy-Underworld-Sebastian-Horsley/dp/0340934085/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415362714&sr=1-1&keywords=sebastian+horsley